Secretly dating a friend

Do you ever wonder if there's something big they aren't telling you?
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  3. Are my friends secretly dating?

It's not your business, they've made that plenty clear, and you're the one being less of a friend for insisting on this 'confession' from them rather than being glad for all the other things you share with them. Drop it from your interaction with them and from your own thoughts. Find something genuinely worth worrying about for years on end - this isn't it. They have their reasons, so please respect them. Don't take it so personally. It's their private life and not everyone wants their business known.

They'll tell you in their own sweet time if they do decide to tell. Obviously, you now KNOW, so respectfully, I think you need to get over the reasons you didn't know for awhile - they seem private to the couple. This doesn't seem to be a three-way relationship with you in it. Let the people have a relationship, or not, call it something, or not, see other people, or not, keep it a secret, or not.

Top Ten Signs Your Friends Might Be Dating Secretly

At most, you should sit down with them as friends, calmly tell them you were hurt because they chose not to share such an important and exciting part of their lives with you. Explain that in your friendships you prefer open-ness over secretive behavior, and then follow their lead. And then leave it at that! Obviously you're not as close as you thought. I completely understand why you feel hurt by this, but you and everyone else should have accepted this as none of your business a long time ago. I disagree with all the previous respondents who basically told the OP that this was none of his business and he should chill out.

G and S are supposedly his friends; supposedly his good friends. It may be that one of them has some hang up, some sort of personal trauma in their past that makes it difficult for them to talk about it. Maybe there's some family issue around religion or something. Maybe they are CIA operatives. But those are just random made up guesses. You'll never know unless they tell you. I personally, would find it hard to be close friends with people who insisted on hiding something so basic over such a long period of time. It's especially weird that they won't discuss it even after it becomes an open secret in this way.

You could try asking G some time when the two of you are alone together. He might be willing to explain the circumstances to you in the appropriate context. I would go into this conversation with the assumption that his reason is valid and appropriate, but that it's gone on long enough and you want to know what it is.

Failing that, you could just put it down to some foible on their part, assume they are leading double lives, and try to enjoy the half life that they are sharing with you. Everyone needs a little mystery. I've been privy to a somewhat similar situation before. There are a variety of reasons for people to keep relationships a secret, even from close friends. The bottom line is: It has absolutely nothing to do with you. I 'm not sure why you would be this hurt that they would keep this from you, and I would not even suggest that you "sit down with them" and explain how "hurt" you are.

I would suggest only that you get over it ASAP before you lose these two friends whom you claim are so important to you. I think everyone's being a bit hasty here to throw in the "none of your business" comments. If I was in your position I would feel a bit hurt too. Strictly speaking, it isn't your business, but when you're close friends with someone their business sort of becomes your business.

Like, if one of them was really depressed, it's their business, but you'd still want to be able to help in some way or be in on it so you could be their for them. So anyway, I would ask your friend, the one you are closer to. Do you want me to just keep setting them straight, or are you really seeing each other? You know I wouldn't be bothered either way so just let me know the 'party line'" I think communication is the way forward, rather than sitting and stewing.

Maybe they're in one of those ruts where the longer you leave it to tell someone something, the harder it gets. They're your friends - make it easy on them and give them a way in. They'll appreciate it in the end.

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I care about what the secrecy means to my friendship with G and S, if anything You seem to be taking this more personally than you should. Other than the nosy person who confronted them about it, they haven't told anyone about their relationship as far as you know. Keeping a relationship a secret from everyone for so long isn't something that people do on a whim, and they probably have a good reason to do it that has nothing to do with you.

Even very close friends don't share all of their personal lives with each other, so in my opinion you should just stop letting it bother you so much and accept that this is one aspect of their lives that they want to keep private. You're having a very bizarre reaction, bordering on neurotic. Why can't you just be happy for your friends?

Are my friends secretly dating?

They obviously are together, have their own reasons for keeping it hush-hush, but seem to be happy, no? People keep relationships quite for a variety of reasons. Maybe they worry that some of the more neurotic and possessive people in their lives hint, hint would take the fact that they are openly dating EVEN WORSE than if they danced around the subject. Big a good friend. Well, it'd be nice if they told you, ya know? Didn't realize the happenings of my life were his bidness" and I'd shut you out too. I'm not saying you're a nosy prick.

I'm saying answers like "confirmed otherwise" and "fact" and etc makes you sound like one.

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What my spidey sense says here is that you're jealous. Sounds like you're jealous of the female for taking your friend, and it sounds like you're jealous of your friend for getting a piece of S. It also sounds like you're jealous of all your friends who "know" pro-tip: I think that you read entirely too far into it. I think that your friends either assume that you've heard by now via your extensive grapevine reputation and don't feel the need to tell you, OR they're crazy nice and letting you hang out with them even though you're all up in their kool-aid without even knowing their flavor.

Either way, chill out and back off Maybe they want their relationship to stand on its own, and not be a topic of discussion and speculation amongst their friends? Like others have said, everyone has different levels of privacy. My other sister, after years and years of saying zero about her personal life, has only this past year started talking to me about her private life because I have been the only one who full on stopped asking.

Kristin Says:

And I am fairly sure I am the only one she is talking to about it. So really, sometimes people just don't want to talk about it. Some people feel like letting others in on it will "jinx" it or ruin what they have, some people like feeling as though it is this fantastic secret between the two of them, which makes the connection stronger. It doesn't matter why they didn't tell you or why they continue not to tell you, it is their choice and probably has little to do with YOU and everything to do with THEM.

You may feel like it is something friends should share, but they may feel like friends should respect their privacy Am going to stick with my plan to not speak to them about it and let them tell me when they are good and ready, and will try not to let it bother me so much with the knowledge that it is hopefully "probably has little to do with YOU and everything to do with THEM. It seems that to some it's not invalid to feel down about this, but I have to remember the reason for it, accept it, and move on. As to all the 'wow what a prick" comments, I don't really know what I could have done better than drop it for 1.

In fairness, the only reason this was all confirmed to me was from R's repeated questioning and her telling me the situation.


Going forward, I guess I have to try not to be as sensitive about it, keep treating them like the friends they are and continue my original desire to let them tell me on their own time. And FYI, in retrospect I probably should have asked this anon, but I wouldn't have been able to answer which I thought was important to shed light on questions in the situation. Hopefully tomorrow when this has faded from the front page I'll be able to ask mathowie to make it anon. Thanks to all, and please keep it coming despite my thoughts above. Is there a particular reason for all the secrecy and non answer answers?

It's not a big deal if you are, I'm happy if you guys are happy, but the constant denials and evasions just make me more curious, so spill, or I'm gonna start making up rumors and there's going to be a goat and monkey involved. In short, ask a question if you want to know, but don't make a big deal of it. For the record, they're being weird as hell and it's perfectly understandable if it's 'causing you, the close friend, a bit angst and confusion. Ultimately though, it's there business, so poke and prod and tease a bit, but don't push it too much.

As Brandon Blatcher said, just ask him, in those words. It's a casual enough way of asking someone who's not even your best friend, so it should be OK to ask the best friend.

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  • And if he gets weirded out, well then, that's weird. Just for the record, in my book, you can be a "you" friend or a "me" friend. Your friends relationships are between THEM, and only involve you as much as they would like to involve you. I don't think you're really a selfish person, but your wording makes you sound like one.

    Just a fast word count, in your inital post you said "I" or "me" at least 46 times and "my" at least 7. In follow ups, you added at least another Not to be a total jerk, but doesn't that seem excessive when you're asking about your friends personal lives? If G told R that you already know, and G told you that she wouldn't have told R had she G not been forced to tell, then I think you have an answer. They S and G know that you know and they don't want to talk about it.

    They are going on double non-dates with you, it's not as though they are sneaking around i. If your friendships with them are otherwise solid, you're overreacting about this issue. If your friendships with them are otherwise not solid, then you could try to think of why that might be, or how you could form stronger relationships.

    It sounds like they're not telling you because you seem kind of over-interested, as does everyone else, and sometimes you just don't want to talk about relationships when they're touchy, as relationships are in groups of friends. And sometimes you just don't want to talk about relationships.

    here And we don't know much about you, maybe you went through a huge depressing breakup last year and they're kind of trying to spare your feelings by not making you deal with them as a couple. Maybe you've got a big old crush on one or both of them.